


Date Night

by impatientseamstress



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Accidental dating?, Actual political and economic discussions somehow, Biting, Competence Porn, Crime, Danger Kink, Early Days, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gangs, Innuendo, Oops, Roxanne accidentally crashes an underworld meeting, Sex in a Car, Smuggling, Smut, Some people are planning to upset this assumption, The Scott Family thinks they own Metro City, Threats, You and me against the world, everyone knows fronts make the best food, how to accidentally create an overlord without really trying, oh no its too late we're committed to this farce now, pre movie au, threats as flirting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:07:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27777358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impatientseamstress/pseuds/impatientseamstress
Summary: On the way home from a disastrous non-date Roxanne Ritchi found herself accidentally crashing an underworld meeting attended by one blue alien still trying to stake his claim on the shadier side of Metrocity. Everyone gets the wrong impression and the only hope for Roxanne and Megamind to escape without repercussion is to play along with the idea that they are together and perhaps imply Megamind is a lot more dangerous than he lets on...They are successful at at least one of these.
Relationships: Megamind/Roxanne Ritchi
Comments: 80
Kudos: 188





	1. Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand

**Author's Note:**

> So you'd think Rings would be enough to scratch my fake dating itch right now but evidently we needed the feral horny dangerous version too. Fair warning this will end in pure smut. 
> 
> Takes place early on, only a couple of years after Roxanne starts getting kidnapped and well before Megamind is considered the main threat in Metro City. Well before the standard banter applies

Megamind was in the back room of a restaurant that served exceptional food but did its very best to discourage customers, mid negotiation with a number of very dangerous and heavily armed parties when there was a commotion outside the door.

He loathed these meetings, he really did. He might be a supervillain but he still had to deal with all the petty day to day crime of Metrocity and it was always unnerving when he wasn't the only person in the room with access to high grade weaponry. It didnt help that the other parties attending were from out of town and therefore failed to understand the...nuances of Metrocity. They just assumed it was another city on a lake big enough that smuggling was an easy way to make a lot of money provided you took a crowbar to the right people. 

Someday he'd be a big enough threat that he wouldn't need to worry about them, but not yet.

No, until that day came he had to sit near the end of the table while bigger men with more muscle mass than brains tried to convince themselves it was better to just throw whichever idealistic young dockworker called the police about the suspicious manifest into the water in a pair of cement shoes rather than just installing someone who was willing to take a bribe and save having the docks crawling with police every six weeks. It was a fucking wasteful attitude to take in a city he was trying to run the way it ought to and the subsequent disruptions were a waste of everyone's time. 

So he was already in a bad mood, jittery from being locked in a room with thirty odd gangsters from rival factions. All of them armed to the teeth and laughing about flying saucers every time he opened his mouth which was unfortunately a fucking improvement over the probing jokes.

Also something from the kitchen smelled delicious and he was starving. He caught another whiff as the door slammed open and one of the guards dragged in a woman in a low cut purple dress.

"Well well well, look what the cat dragged in" The economy sized Ukrainian sitting opposite him leered as Roxanne Ritchi was half thrown onto the table. She pushed herself off and glared at the man who had shoved her, "Touch me again and I'll feed you your teeth" she threatened.

Of course. Because tonight wasn't enough of a headache already. The most stubborn woman in Metrocity had to be here as well. She hadn't seen him, instead slapping the hands away from the Tracksuit Mafia on her right who was trying to feel her up.

"I don't think you're in any position to be making threats bitch" One of the Russians grunted, "Just bend back over the table and keep that pretty mouth shut."

She flipped him off and jabbed an elbow into the gut of one of the younger goons standing clustered around the edge of the wall as he tried to put an arm around her. 

"And what have you been doing out and about in this part of town sweet cheeks?" A man with more tattoos than bare skin leered. 

"Date night" Roxanne snapped. And it should have been. It should have been another farce of a date with Wayne Scott at some fancy restaurant that his social secretary had set up. But he'd gotten a call half way there about another cat in another tree and had to go play superhero. And Roxanne was not about to sit at another table for two on her own again looking like Miss Lonely Heart. Avoiding the pitying glances of other diners in a restaurant where an entree cost more than her rent and still left her hungry and that she'd be expected to pick up the tab for because the Scott Family thought money troubles was choosing between a yacht and a superyacht. Things like grocery bills and rent happened to lesser people. So she grabbed her bag and left intending to get a burger or something that actually felt like food when she caught the scent of something divine and followed her nose to a dingy little cafe. It had been empty which suited her current mood perfectly so she'd walked in and asked the scrawny guy behind the counter for a serve of whatever smelled so good. 

Unfortunately that also happened to be the passcode for the back room negotiations which was how she found herself dragged through a kitchen and thrown into a room full of a lot of very dangerous looking people. All of whom seemed to think they had the right to touch her.

Why did she leave her pepperspray at home?

Oh right because she was meant to be out with an actual superhero and her mace didn't fit in her evening clutch. Great. Just fantastic. She just wanted something to eat. 

Roxanne glared around the table until and her gaze stopped at Megamind, "Hi." she said flatly, her look clearly indicating, _I don't know who these guys are but I am not impressed with whatever shtick you're pulling right now._

"Hi" he echoed cautiously, trying to convey _I don't know what you're doing here but I'm not the one you need to be worried about right now_

"Date night?" One of the Yakuza associates asked incredulously, looking between them, "You're dating him?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it dating" she bit out acidly, "He just can't seem to let a week go by without indulging in the urge to tie me up and trying to get me to scream."

That went down about as well as expected.

"Ahem," Megamind's cough interrupted the uproar, "Temptress" he probably shouldn't mention her name given the circumstances, "You still haven't explained why you're here?"

"I was hungry." she snapped, "And I got sick of waiting."

"You invited your girlfriend to the negotiations?" one of the younger punks demanded.

"Of course not." Megamind growled. Brilliant. Now Metro Moron would show up and drag them all to jail and he'd get beaten black and even more blue because of course that's how tonight was going. He glared at the punk until he went silent and stepped back. He might not be the most dangerous person in the room but he still outranked everyone who didn't also have a seat at the table. 

"Hey weren't you dating Metro Man?" one of the goons crowding the walls asked, evidently recognising Roxanne. 

"Ha! He dumped me first chance he got for some long haired ginger" she sneered. Pretending to date Wayne was excruciating. They had nothing to talk about and he'd take getting a cat out of a tree over spending any time in her presence anyway. She stormed around the table to glare down at Megamind who was doing some rapid mental calculations at that piece of information. "Well?" It's not the weirdest way he's started something in the two years he's been kidnapping her. Are they getting this show on the road now or what?

Megamind saw the sleazy pimp he was unfortunately seated beside reaching for her, "Mine!" he snarled, glaring at the offending appendage until it dropped. Letting his regular kidnappee suffer those slimy hands was an unacceptable blow to his standing right now. He turned his gaze back to Roxanne who looked ready to slap him over his last comment. He caught her wrist before she could try.

"Well what?" he snapped, "You're not supposed to be here." Hopefully Metro Moron is still willing to rescue his ex, otherwise she's not going to have an easy time getting out of here. Especially not if anyone recognises her as anything other than an an unfortunate interloper.

"Hey I know you!" One of the Triad members snapped their fingers at Roxanne, "You're that reporter chick!" 

"No shit Sherlock" Roxanne rolled her eyes then glared at Megamind's hand still on her wrist.

"Reporter?" A large man in a pinstripe suit at the head of the table asked in a quiet voice.

Megamind tried to catch her eye but she was evidently on a roll. "Yes reporter! What rock did you crawl out from under that you got _Metro Man's girlfriend_ " scorn dripped from her lips, "But not that?"

That was the sound of a gun cocking. That was the sound of a lot of guns cocking. 

Roxanne glanced around the room disdainfully. She was hungry, she was angry and if Mr Pinstripe Suit over there thought she was supposed to be impressed by a bunch of pistols when she dealt with flamethrowers and giant robots and getting kidnapped on a regular basis then he was going to be sorely disappointed.

"That's it?" she asked flatly, "Guns?" she rolled her eyes, "For fuck's sake stop wasting my time."

Megamind was the only one who hadn't drawn. Mostly because he still had her arm in his hand, impeding his access to his thigh holster which was an extremely fucking stressful position to find himself in.

The rest of the room paused, thrown. Shouldn't she be scared? But the woman in the purple dress seemed more annoyed that she was hungry than concerned about her impending doom. She also apparently thought the sole blue occupant to be the only one of them worth speaking to. As if the rest of the parties present weren't a threat worth considering.

"You don't seem worried for someone who's about to be fishfood," One of the few men brandishing a knife instead of a gun threatened.

Roxanne looked almost amused by that and raised an eyebrow at Megamind, "Are you going to feed me to your fish?" She asked mildly, that Minion guy he had could probably do some damage with his teeth but he was also only the size of her head, she'd like to see him try. "Are the alligators already full?"

The man in the pinstripe suit blinked. 

Megamind reached up and took hold of her chin, pulling her down to his level, "Do I need to start gagging you Temptress?" he growled. She might be infuriating but he already publicly claimed her and he didn't actually want her bullet riddled corpse falling on top of him before he gets shot himself. 

Roxanne bared her teeth in response. 

Megamind drew her closer until she had to steady herself with a hand on his chest, "I doubt you can scream faster than a bullet so perhaps you should stop aggravating the situation." he breathed into her hair.

Roxanne glanced around the room again, realising that the people gathered here were not in fact acting under her usual kidnappers orders. An unusual state of affairs in her experience given she was so used to his Big Bad of Metrocity routine. Megamind saw the understanding dawn in her eyes and tugged her down into his seat, settling her into his lap. "Unless you want us both to get shot tonight," he murmured as she tried to dig an elbow into his side, "I suggest you play along." 

"Please continue," he nodded to the frowning man at the head of the table as the elbow stopped attempting to bruise his ribs.

"Is she going to be trouble?" 

"She knows how the game is played," Megamind responded, his hand pressing down on her thigh in silent warning. Mr Pinstripe nodded, it was a reaction that did not go unnoticed by the rest of the room who took it as a sign to start lowering their weapons. Roxanne squirmed, trying to get comfortable. He had really bony knees.

"Stop that," his arm wrapped around her and pulled her firmly against him, then slipped down over her hip to curl against the grip of his de-gun "I'd prefer it if you didn't inhibit access to my weapon," he growled under his breath.

"Oh so you're not just happy to see me" she tossed her hair and shifted until she was sitting sideways in his lap.

"You know sweetheart if Blue here isn't doing it for you as a rebound guy" a greasy smile from the same handsy fellow who had been reaching for her earlier, "We could show you a real good time."

Roxanne's look of withering scorn was remarkably effective. Megamind would know, he'd been on the receiving end of it often enough. She turned the same look on him as he curled his other arm around her waist. She rested her hand on the back of the chair and looked down at him, "You want to keep that hand?"

"Unless you want to be giving an eye witness report on the brothels in the next town I suggest you keep up the pretence" He hissed quietly into her hair, then leaned back to add more loudly, "Do you have someone else here you'd rather share a seat with?" 

Roxanne cast her eyes around the room at the rest of the attendees who alternated between leering or looking at her like she was something they wouldn't scrape off their shoes but all of them still holding some form of weapon. She slid her arm off the chair and around his shoulders and leaned close to his ear, "You are going to get me out of here in one piece or so help me I will feed you to your alligators." His fingers dug into her hip.

"If I can get us both out of here without being fed to anything I'll count it as a win." He muttered.

The door opened again and a grim looking woman bearing a platter of bowls filled with rich smelling stew entered and started handing out dishes. The younger standing crowd took this as a sign to head towards the front of the cafe where there was a loud scraping of chairs and competing conversations in half a dozen languages broke out.

This left just the long table with its dozen or so seated members and one still hungry reporter.

"Well?" Mr Pinstripe Suit asked.

Megamind gripped her tightly, "She stays." If he escorts her out he'll lose his standing. If she leaves alone she'll never make it home unharmed, let alone through the front of the restaurant which again, impacts his status in an unacceptable manner. If he calls Minion to collect her it will be a clear signal that he can't hold his own against any of the junior crew and it will be open season on his holdings. She just has to stay and stay silent until the meeting is over and then she can call her ex or a cab, he doesn't care which.

Roxanne, who had been ready to jump up and make her way out of the cafe dug her nails into his shoulder and glared, "I am." she said flatly, refusing to make it a question.

"She doesn't get a say." Another large man seated to the right of Pinstripes frowned.

Roxanne gave him her best fuck you smile, hyper-conscious of the vibrating tension pressed against her back, "Oh don't mind me, I'm just here for the food."

So that was how Roxanne wound up sitting on Megamind's lap while she ate beef bourguignon and eavesdropped avidly on Lake Michigan smuggling operations.


	2. Take Care of Business - Nina Simone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to make an Evil Overlord by being impatient and trying not to get shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was simultaneously fast as lightning and an absolute slog because I'm the idiot who decided we needed not just one but two reasons for Megamind to be in charge.
> 
> The Scott Family are not nice people in this 'verse. Eat the Rich.

"Nice dress" The serving woman muttered as she placed bowls of Beef burgundy in front of the seated group. 

It was. It was an extremely nice dress. It fit and it flared and it was perfect for the kind of fancy restaurant Wayne's secretary usually booked them into. Which was to say it had cost Roxanne a fortune and she wouldn't be able to wear it more than twice before Lady Scott suggested she "Might like to go shopping" again. It was a dusky midnight purple with thin straps that clung to her shoulders and a low draped cowl that did incredible things to her cleavage. The combination of which while perched on lean thighs, meant Megamind was having just a little more trouble following the discussion than before. Roxanne shifted on his lap again and he gripped her knee, "That is not going to get us out of here any faster," he growled quietly.

"Right now I'd settle for getting off," she retorted, trying to dig her thumbnail into the space between his thumb and forefinger in retaliation. The man beside them choked on a mouthful of stew.

"That's mine," Megamind said annoyed as Roxanne took up a spoon, "I don't see your name on it" she replied saccharinely. The grim-faced woman huffed and plonked another spoon on the table. Megamind grabbed it and a large mouthful before Roxanne could shift the bowl away and she gave him an unimpressed look. He pulled the spoon from his mouth with a pop and tapped the silverware on her lower lip, "Not hungry?" he asked with a malicious smirk.

Roxanne took up a scoop and gave him a vicious smile, "Here comes the brain-bot" she singsonged in an undertone and felt him choke on his second bite.

The conversation quieted to a dull roar as the rest of the attendees applied themselves with dedication to their meal, which admittedly deserved the attention. Roxanne hummed appreciatively at the taste of the rich wine sauce and curled her tongue around the spoon to savour every trace. Far better than any oysterfoam and seagrass concoction she'd be facing back on the fancy side of town, though the company still left much to be desired.

Megamind gritted his teeth and concentrated on not staring at the frankly spectacular display in front of him. He glared at the Russians who were muttering to one another about what they would do with his dinner guest if she was sitting in their laps and pulled her a little tighter against him. Their final comment ended in braying laughter and leering winks at Roxanne who didn't need to speak Russian to figure out what they were saying.

She glared back at them flatly and wriggled a little to settle herself more firmly on his lap and grazed her nails between the studs on his shoulders. "I need a drink," she muttered, a silent laugh huffed against her neck, "Temptress you have no idea,"

As if summoned, the door opened again and the hard-faced woman re-entered with several glasses and bottles. Pouring for each person at the table she left again without another word. That seemed to be the signal for negotiations to recommence and dinner conversation increased significantly.

"As I was saying" the pale man beside Pinstripes said loudly, calling attention back to the business at hand, "We have four shipments coming in this month. The first two can be stored on the ships for a week but if the trucks aren't ready we'll need to offload onto a secondary holding site."

Suggestions for storage locations were batted back and forth, Megamind rolled his eyes behind Roxanne's shoulder and waited for the inevitable argument to break out. It came when one of the Russians said something insulting to one of the Triad members and things went very tense at the far end of the table for a moment as they descended into threats and banging fists on the table. Roxanne paused to listen with a spoonful close to her mouth. Megamind watched a droplet of sauce teeter on the base of the spoon and leaned over to steal the bite.

"Hey!" She whipped around to glare at him.

"Did you want me to lick it off if you let it spill?" He offered cruelly.

"Did you want to find out what this spoon feels like scooping out your eyeball?"

"That would hardly improve your meal." 

She looked like she was contemplating it anyway so he gripped her waist tightly and hooked her legs over the arm of their chair. The new position pushed her off balance enough that she needed to rely on his arm to not tip backwards. She turned her head slowly to look at him and he gave her a wicked grin, "You seemed uncomfortable Temptress,"

"Did I?" she asked dangerously. She slid her legs off the chair arm and curled them into his lap, seemingly disappointed when the added weight did nothing to discomfort him, "I hope I'm not too much for you, or are you saving your energy for that lot" She jerked her head towards the arguing end of the table.

He pressed his mouth flat and glared up at her "Thankfully those shipments are none of my concern."

"Not invited to sit with the big kids?" she asked in a malicious whisper and he scowled darkly. Roxanne smiled benignly and took another mouthful of food.

Megamind looked at her like he wanted to set her on fire then leaned close to her ear, "If you are that invested in getting shot Temptress, I'll be happy to oblige as soon as we're out of here."

Roxanne glared back, dropping her legs back down to sit more comfortably again and nuzzled into his collar. "Why are you even here if this isn't your business." she hissed, gripping the back of the chair so he wouldn't try to drop her off balance again.

"Everything that happens in Metrocity is my business," he murmured, "I have interests in the second set of shipments and you can't leave until I do."

"Shipments of what?"

"Don't get nosy,"

Roxanne ground her teeth, "I'm-"

"Don't." He cupped her face in his hand and rested his thumb on her lip in warning, turning his head to meet her angry gaze, "The less you know the better Temptress, trust me,"

Oh if looks could kill...well she'd probably have murdered him years ago.

Her jaw tightened under his gloved hand and made it clear with her eyes exactly what she thought of that idea. His eyes flickered down to black leather on ruby lips and his thumb brushed gently over her mouth. Quick as a flash her mouth opened and she was sinking her teeth into his thumb.

Megamind hissed and fought down the urge to bite her back, her teeth were digging into the leather like she was trying to crack his bones, "Temptress..."  
Roxanne for her part, had been reacting more than thinking, something she was desperately trying to improve on right now. She unlocked her jaw and licked over the indentations her teeth had left in the leather, "Don't smear my lipstick," was all she said in response.

"No promises," he flexed his hand and picked up his spoon again.

The pale man glared at them, "Are you two done?" he demanded over the argument still happening at the far end of the table. The arguing gang members, having realised they missed something, settled into low accusations and sullen glares.

Megamind and Roxanne glanced at one another, "Just filling in time while you sort yourselves out," she said brightly, Pinstripes glared.

Megamind leaned his head against her shoulder and tried not to laugh hysterically at how they were about to die. Roxanne nudged him and he looked up at her, "Why don't you just tell them when they can bring things in?" she asked, not bothering to lower her voice.

"Don't let whatever he's told you go to your head sweetcheeks," the leering man seated beside them warned, "All the spikes don't mean shit if he's getting beaten down like the rest of us."

Roxanne could feel the aggravated growl coming from the chest pressing against her side and reconfirmed getting shot would not improve her evening. She hummed and licked her spoon eyeing the rest of the table, "Well," she said consideringly, "You didn't know who I was, stands to reason you don't know who you're really dealing when it comes to him either." 

The rest of the room blinked.

"The hell does that mean?" A rough looking man with a scar bisecting his cheek demanded.

She smiled and instead of answering scrapped her nails lightly over the top of Megamind's oversized skull and down the back of his neck. He dropped his spoon to catch her hand, "I wouldn't do that here if I were you" he threatened. Evil Gods help him that was entirely to distracting a sensation and he still needed to think clearly enough to get out of here.

Roxanne eyed the splash of sauce that had landed on the table and turned her gaze on Megamind, "If you get that on my dress there are no words for what I'm going to do to you."

He narrowed his eyes at her, "And I'm sure I'll deserve all of them."

The various gang members exchanged glances.

"Now who's getting distracted?" the pale man muttered. A heavyset man in an awful grey suit chuckled and shook his head down at the table, "Chrissakes Blue just take her home and fuck her already if you're not going to pay attention."

"Or here," Tracksuit Mafia suggested, his hand went under the table making some kind of obscene gesture that the rest of the table thankfully couldn't see.

"Unfortunately gentlemen you're not getting rid of me that easily," Megamind snaked his arm around Roxanne's waist again and brushed his fingers up her neck as he forced her to look at him, "You'll be a good girl for me won't you?"

The look of pure hatred she shot him would have been hilarious if they weren't in imminent danger of bullets for dessert. Then her eyes went thoughtful and she gave him a slow considering once-over that Megamind didn't know whether to find attractive or terrifying. "It occurs to me," she said thoughtfully, leaning into his hand "That the rest of you haven't really thought through the implications of pissing off someone who has access to a multitude of high grade weaponry..."

"You can flirt later," Pinstripes grumbled in his low voice, "I want to get this sorted." 

Instead of looking at Megamind as she expected, the table looked fearfully at Pinstripes and the arguing gang members subsided and sullenly agreed that they would make sure there were no questions asked at the northern warehouse. Megamind turned away from the woman sitting on his lap to roll his eyes at that, obviously unimpressed by whatever no questions meant. 

Roxanne tapped her nails lightly on his collar to catch his attention and leaned close to breathe a question against his ear, "Not to sound petty, but don't they know who you are?"

"Not enough to be afraid," he murmured, tracing his thumb along her jaw to tilt her ear close to his lips, "They're from across the lake,"

"Then why haven't you put the fear of well, you into them?"

"Do you think I just have a spare battle droid lying around for every bad meeting?"

Roxanne blinked at him, "You don't?"

"Not right now," he growled.

She hummed thoughtfully, "Do they know that?"

"Whatever you're thinking, don't."

Roxanne shot him a look that said _should have gagged me when you had the chance_. 

Megamind cupped her face in his hand and kissed her to stop her before she said something that was going to get them both shot.

She bit his lip, hard.

"Ow!" he pulled back and glared, "What was that for?" 

"You know _exactly_ what that was for." 

He touched the tip of his tongue the bite on his lip. Roxanne glared back, something like fear prickling up her spine. If he decided she was more trouble than she was worth now she really was going to have to scream for Wayne and wouldn't that be a fun way to end tonight. 

Before he could format a response another of the seated men in a straining suit two sizes too small started laughing with a high yipping whine as he shook on his seat. The rest of the room glanced at him fearfully.

"Ignore him," Megamind murmured, as Roxanne jumped "This is why you never trust anything that comes from outside of Metrocity. I can't guarantee the purity."

The man shook harder, still laughing.

"Purity?" Roxanne glanced down at Megamind as his hand tightened on her waist, "I have no issue with the drug trade," He explained quietly, "So long as the substances are controlled and the supply is good quality. Something the rest of them," he added venomously, "Seem to have a problem grasping."

"Do they now?" she asked blandly.

"For some reason some of them still think cutting drugs with rat poison is better for business than repeat fucking customers."

"It only happens every now and again, some junkie is always gonna OD anyway" The scarred man chuckled pointedly. Roxanne couldn't even comprehend the idiocy of that statement. "Oh yes because I make a point of shooting one of my viewers after every broadcast. Really improves my ratings," she rolled her eyes, "I thought this was at least going to be interesting." The men around the table looked insulted.

"I'm so sorry not everything can be fire and knives while you verbally eviscerate me" Megamind retorted.

Roxanne gave him a smile that promised violence in all the best ways, "And yet you keep coming back for more," She reached for the glass of wine in front of them. 

"I wouldn't," Megamind warned, her hand stilled.

"Is there something wrong with it?"

"Not if you're not attached to your taste buds"

Roxanne, in the manner of journalists everywhere who have never turned down a free drink, took a large gulp then traced her lower lip with her tongue to catch a stray drop,

"I've swallowed worse," she shrugged.

"I bet you have" the leering man beside them chortled. Megamind grabbed Roxanne's wrist before she could fling the rest in his face. The man brayed louder.

"You can't glass him either," he forced her hand back down to the table.

"Why not?"

Leering man's laughter slowed then stopped under twin blue and green glares that promised a very unpleasant evening if he kept that up. His hand dropped to the pistol at his waistband "Keep your girl under control Blue, or the first bullet goes between your eyes."

Roxanne sneered, "Guns again?"

"You don't seem worried," A man with more gold in his mouth than teeth glowered at her.

"Why should I be?" She shrugged, "If Metro Man can't kill him I doubt you can."

"You want to test that theory?" Gold teeth glared. There was a rustle as hands reached for belts and holsters. Megamind's hand slid below Roxanne's hip and she breathed in sharply as a low vibrating hum started under her thighs. 

That was...distracting.

"I thought we were here to discuss business," Pinstripes interrupted. Slowly the attendees returned to meals and the vibration turned off again. Roxanne breathed out slowly and relaxed her death-grip on Megamind's mantle. "Warn a girl next time you do that" she muttered.

"Stop antagonising everyone," he hissed into her ear, she jammed her thumb into his side below his rib cage in retaliation, "Why are you letting the idiots with no giant lasers run the meeting."

"Giant lasers? the Yakuza asked, startled.

Roxanne rolled her eyes, there was not being afraid of Megamind and then there was wilful ignorance, did these creeps not watch the broadcasts? 

"And the flamethrowers, the giant drills, the attack bots... that thing with the precision knives," she ticked off her fingers, "I've seen six different lasers this year alone."

"Seven." Megamind corrected.

She raised an eyebrow at him, "I'm not counting that one." She paused, "I did like the battle suit," she said contemplatively, "I still think it needed rocket boots though."

The rest of the room was starting to look uncomfortable. Good, Roxanne decided, these men should be scared. Not that his ego needed any stroking but if she had to be known as Megamind's tonight, at the very least she was going to make sure he was acknowledged as the best and they should all be terrified to start something. Who knows, maybe she'd finally get to rescue herself for once.

"Those are for Metro Man" one of the Russians objected, "So we don't have to worry about him finding the goods,"

Roxanne raised an eyebrow "I wasn't aware they were single use only."

"Of course they...are?" The Russian frowned. 

Roxanne took up another spoonful, "You really think someone who can keep Metro Man himself occupied doesn't have enough firepower of his own to be considered-" 

Megamind stole her bite again.

"Dangerous," she murmured, giving him a look to say _Don't fucking push it_. 

He licked his lips and grinned at her, clearly communicating _Don't push them and I won't have too_.

"So you take him seriously but not us?" the Ukrainian looked insulted, "He still gets beaten every time" 

"And he keeps getting back up again." Roxanne smiled, "A girl can appreciate that kind of stamina."

Megamind almost looked flattered.

"So what if he's got firepower," The pale man objected, "Metro Man wouldn't let Blue destroy the city to take out a rival."

"Shows what you know," Roxanne snorted, "Golden Boy'd probably help smash your ships just to free up space for their next super yacht."

"You mean to say Metro Man doesn't care about the city?" Pinstripes asked disdainfully.

"I'm saying the Scott's overpowered brat isn't as careful with his toys as he should be," It was a constant thorn in Roxanne's side that she couldn't so much as hint that Wayne was anything less than absolute perfection at all times thanks to the Scott Family grip on the news stations of Metro City.

Because it wasn't enough that she'd been stuck in the role of fake girlfriend. Oh no. Not like it hadn't been made very clear to her that her job relied on staying in the Scott Family's good graces which included disrupting her social life at the drop of a hat every time they decided they simply had to have another fancy dinner or "charity" gala.

No on top of that she was also expected be Metro man's personal spin doctor at no charge because why pay for something you can get for free?

Hell when getting drugged and kidnapped was the only time she can report with impunity, surely someone should wake up and realise that says something was rotten about this place. Any time she so much as hinted she wasn't impressed with Metro City's preeminent family's behaviour she got a patronising pat on the head and some asinine comment like "Did someone forget your anniversary?"

Fucking Wayne and the fucking Scott Family. The guy had superspeed and she'd watched him wait for a photo op at something when she was covering a warehouse fire three blocks away. He was the most self absorbed son of a bitch she'd ever met and she worked in television. 

It was fucking infuriating but she was determined to hang on. At least the Scott's didn't seem to realise every time they had her around for a party she was also building quite the portfolio of her own. Like that issue she'd been quietly diving into regarding a number of shell companies winding their way back to the mansion on Scott Hill. She was quite looking forward to revealing that one once she'd safely foisted Wayne off onto some other hapless socialite just dying to get their claws into the Scott Family jewels. One big story and she'd have enough clout that they'd have to take her seriously, everyone would. 

"Temptress you know I don't like wasting my firepower on the city," Megamind purred against her neck, derailing her train of thought "It makes it so difficult having to wait for the cleanup when a building comes down."

Something clicked in Roxanne's mind and she blinked in slow realisation, oh that...oh that _fit_...and wasn't that interesting indeed. 

"The third shipment on the twelfth," Pinstripes said, dragging the conversation back, "How much storage do we have?"

"The warehouses at the south end of the docks have been cleared but there's a new security contract with the city," Megamind stated as Roxanne ate another spoonful of stew, mind quietly churning, "I have a schedule ready but I'll pass on the relevant names for the ones that are willing to ignore a missing manifest for an equivalent exchange if you can't keep to the suggested times."

"What for?" Tracksuit Mafia sprayed a fine mist of sauce over the table as he laughed, "Just bring it in and throw the guards in the water when they complain."

"If you do that" Megamind growled in the tone of one who had explained this a dozen times already, "You wont be able to move the rest of the merchandise out because the place will be crawling with police for the next three weeks."

"Then scare the cops, or let them access the wares"

Megamind tried not to make his eye roll obvious, "Or you could pay the guards and save the whole delay and second process."

"But we have an agreement with the police."

"They have an agreement to help themselves to your merchandise you mean, which costs just as much."

"If the cops don't get first cut they bother our people in town"

"Well maybe if your people weren't constantly coming to their attention"

"Hey my boys are entitled to blow off their steam."

"Can't control them can you?" Roxanne said dispassionately as she dragged her tongue over her spoon. Megamind's fingers dug into her knee.

"The fuck did you say bitch?" the man in the stained tracksuit demanded.

"If you could, you wouldn't be so worried about the cops having a reason not to bring you in." Long fingers tried to pinch her but she crossed her legs and trapped his hand between her thighs, "Its not their fault that you're a bad boss. Why should the city have to suffer for your incompetence."

"Why is she still talking?" Tracksuit Mafia demanded towards Pinstripes.

"I'm sorry I thought you were talking business" Roxanne said brightly, "I'm just here for dinner and even I can see that losing half your product to the police is no way to run things."

"The little lady has a point Georgio," Pinstripes allowed.

The fingers pinching her thigh eased and Roxanne glanced at Megamind, "Seriously I've sat through staff meetings less tedious than this. Why don't you just destroy a couple of shipments and tell them they can start trading again when they follow the rules."

"He wouldn't cut us out." the pale man objected.

"Why not?"

"He can't afford too"

"Are you sure? It sounds like half of everything you bring in gets lost in shakedowns. It wouldn't be that much of a loss to cut them out for a while," She tapped her spoon on Megamind's lip and gave him her best work smile, "Did you know Kate Leigh just got handed a two year sentence?"

"The one who took over from Tilly Devine?" He raised a curious eyebrow.

"That's the one. There's a whole network just waiting for someone to step in and start redirecting their products if they can make a deal with her."

His teeth snapped down on her spoon and he grinned at her, "I always did appreciate when you got to report on the fun things." 

Roxanne looked at the tooth-marks on the silvered surface and tsked, "Then why do you always try to interrupt my workday?"

He gave her a smile that said he was imagining her dangling over the alligator pit, "What can I say? I do love having a captive audience."

Pinstripes glared at Megamind, the first expression anyone had seen on his face all evening. "The docks aren't the only way into the city Blue," He warned "Don't think we can't unload in Portsmouth and finish the last leg by train. It would only take a couple of us shifting out interests and you'd be nothing but another two bit villain fighting for scraps while we control everything coming into the city."

The other members of the dining group looked thoughtful. Some of them had downright nasty grins on their faces.

Roxanne snorted before she could stop herself, "Yeah because you really want to be going up against the Scott Family."

"We're back to Metro Man again?"

"Not Metro Man, his family. Fancy house? More money than god? Ringing any bells?"

"What do they have to do with anything?" The pale man demanded.

She eyed the room flatly, "The Scott Family _owns_ Metro City. You really think if any of you tried to set yourselves up as a major player they wouldn't just have you burnt you to the ground?"

"They don't care when we throw one of their workers in the water doll"

Roxanne rolled her eyes, "Plenty more where that came from. Its not like people aren't falling over themselves to work for a company that owns half the buildings in town just so they can get into one of their "Homes for the Working People" rat traps."

"Then why do they let the police get involved?" Pinstripes asked in the tones of a man who really doesn't care but is indulging his curiosity anyway.

"Because the police commissioner gets a very nice bonus from the city in his right pocket every time he makes a big fuss about some poor lost soul," she replied smoothly, "And he uses it as an excuse to shake down every business on the waterfront to balance things out on the left." She tapped her fingernails on the studs of Megamind's mantle and took a gamble, "He's the only genius in the city who doesn't loose out every time because he knows who to bribe."

"Oh but I do lose plenty and its infuriating" he growled and she breathed out as her risk paid off, "I've told you before how to handle it but you all get greedy for a quick buck not realising you're losing half of it in shakedown fees from the cops every time."

"And you think doing things your way wont set you up as a major player?" The pale man chortled, "What's to stop Metro Man just letting his family handle you instead?"

"He won't." Megamind smirked as he leaned into Roxanne in a way that would have been cause for a face full of pepperspray under any other circumstances, smug bastard.

"Why not?"

"Because that would mean admitting he can't handle me as a superhero. And his ego can't take that." Megamind gestured grandly to himself, "As long as I am Metro Man's problem, I am not a Scott problem. I don't have to worry that they'll send the police after me. Or that pack of lawyers they keep on retainer are going to pry too deeply into my business dealings."

A few of the men around the table looked thoughtful, Tracksuit Mafia was scowling blackly. Pinstripes waved a hand as though dismissing the whole idea, "Even if you wanted to cut us out Leigh's in solitary, no one knows when she's is getting moved to prison,"

Roxanne smiled, it was not a nice smile. It was a smile that had gotten her into two private two press briefings and out of a number of speeding tickets. The rest of the room stared. Megamind leaned back in their chair and regarded her wolfishly, "Oh now how did you find that out?"

"Darling," Roxanne said in a voice like honey hiding shards of glass, she cupped his jaw in one hand, curling her fingers to dig her nails into the soft skin under his chin, "You know I don't reveal my sources."

His eyes promised blood and violence and the long fingers around her waist held her tightly as his other hand curled around the back of her neck and gave the lightest of squeezes, hinting at the possibility of a much greater threat. "Just what are you up to Miss Ritchi?" He murmured.

"You have your tricks, I have mine," she whispered close as a lover into his mouth.

"What's it take to get a little info out of you sweetheart?" the scarred man interrupted.

"Do you have a giant laser?" She asked not looking away from green eyes. Megamind seemed amused by the way she was leading the conversation, hopefully he could keep up.

"I can get one."

"Can you build one?"

"Do I need to?"

Roxanne shrugged, "If you don't have clever fingers I'm afraid I'm not really interested."

There was a smattering of sniggers around the room.

"Whatsa matter Blue, don't you know how its done?" Georgio laughed.

Roxanne didn't turn a hair, "Whatever you're paying your hookers cannot be enough."

There was an outraged noise silenced by Pinstripes hand, "Little lady unless you have a solid plan or a deal from Leigh you need to stop interrupting." 

Roxanne glanced at Megamind and raised an eyebrow, "I'm already keeping the hero busy." he stated, "They could do the rest themselves if they'd listen to reason."

"Poor darling," she said saccharine sweet and patted his cheek lightly, before glancing at the rest of the room, "Why don't you save on the inevitable turf war and just do what he says?"

"You really think he," A spoon gestured at Megamind, "Should be in charge?"

"He is very good at what he does," Roxanne nodded agreeably, "Never does any damage beyond what is necessary to achieve his goals..." she gave a small smile, "Unless someone really needs to learn the lesson." 

The Ukrainian frowned, "The hell does that mean?"

"Anyone can throw a punch," Roxanne shrugged casually, turning back to the room "To calculate precisely how close you can come to total destruction and still leave a building repairable? That takes precision."

Megamind was trying not to laugh hysterically into her neck, "I love it when you make me sound dangerous."

"Aren't you?" she asked mildly, watching the way the eating crowd were trying to listen in, "I can think of four toys from this year alone that would flatten the whole of downtown without breaking a sweat."

"Yeah and he doesn't use them" Georgio stated a little hesitantly.

"Downtown? Hardly surprising," Roxanne ate another spoonful, "Why let the Scott's claim the benefits when you can sneak the building out from under them." Megamind's eyes snapped towards her.

"What?"

"Interesting thing in this city about building insurance," Roxanne spoke casually, as though she was commenting on the weather, "If a building is considered repairable after being...oh smashed by a giant robot, you have to repair it if it was tenanted at the time of the attack. Unfortunately, a lot of the buildings that wind up getting damaged are not quite up to code. And seeing as the building is considered repairable, that also means any repairs have to do things like take out the asbestos cladding or replacing the rusted plumbing. Expensive work," She shrugged, "And the tenants are entitled to keep their rental at the same cost, even if the renovations increase the value of the property." 

She smiled slowly around the table, "However if a building is sold, the new owners are bound by no such rules. And if the company that buys the new property just so happens to be a shell under a shell under a shell all the way back to certain Scott accounts in the Cayman Islands, well..." she shrugged and leaned into the spikes a little, "The Scott's aren't rich just because they have a couple of senators lobbying for their personal tax benefits..."

"That's a neat trick Blue," someone from the far end of the table commented, "We ask a question and the words come out of her mouth."

Around the table, a number of the factions were frowning thoughtfully.

"So what?" the Ukrainian demanded, "You say Scott's don't bribe? Why not? You just spend dinner talking about bribing dock workers. Why not bribe building assessor's to sign off on building as loss?"

"They can't." Roxanne smiled, "They have to use independent contractors for the buildings because the Scott's haven't managed to completely destroy the Builder's Union yet the way they did with the Dockers and Wharfie's. So if a building is going to walk that very fine line between being a repairable money sink or a total loss, the Scott's aren't going to spend the money themselves to have them fixed up. So they sell the salvage rights to one of their shell companies who makes a loss on the repairs or rebuilds. Then they buy back the building at a reduced price when the company tanks. Assuming-"

Sharp teeth bit her ear, cutting off her speech, "Clever, clever Temptress," his goatee brushed a line of goosebumps over her skin as he breathed across her skin, "I will bite off this pretty little earlobe if you keep talking"

Roxanne let her head tip back until she could take the tip of his pointed ear between her teeth, "I fucking dare you" she hissed.

To the rest of the room it looked like she had whispered a suggestion that even the most depraved among them would hesitate to voice going by Megamind's sudden intake of breath and the way his eyes went large and dark.

"A little louder next time honey" one of them leered.

"When did you figure that out?" Megamind murmured against her neck when he'd regained enough equilibrium to speak steadily again.

She twisted to look at him and licked a smear of sauce from the corner of her lip, "Surely you know how good I am at what I do?"

"Perhaps I underestimated you,"

"Oh now that would be a mistake," she smiled ferally, "Or did you forget what happened when that little story about the subpar fire cladding on the rebuilt city library came out."

His glare crackled, "Oh yes, they were not happy with you about that."

"I know,"

"So he stole a couple of shit holes," Tracksuit Mafia sneered, evidently smarter than Roxanne gave him credit for "So what?"

"The Scott's won't be very happy when we tell them" one of the Russians threatened.

"You assume someone smart enough to steal multiple buildings out from under some very expensive accountants and a private lawfirm isn't going to be capable of making it look like you were the ones getting greedy." Roxanne smirked.

There were several slightly nervous shared glances.

"Then what's to stop us taking over your space, Blue." Pinstripes spoke up, "You can't guard it all the time."

"Yes," Roxanne said amused, "Because he definitely can't code the lasers to shoot any intruders or set the brain-bots on patrol or remote control the battle droids..."

There were significantly more scared looks.

"You don't have a giant laser just lying around any time you want!" The pale man objected in a hesitant voice. 

Megamind laughed, it started as a low chuckle that reverberated against Roxanne's neck, rolling out through the room full of menace, "Oh," he grinned sharp and vicious as he glanced around the room, Roxanne the only one willing to meet his eyes, "Don't I?"

"Now Blue we can still resolve this civilly," Pinstripes tried, looking nervous. The rest of the room looked outright terrified.

"Of course you can," Roxanne smiled coldly, "When the third shipment is ready to arrive you follow the schedule he provides and pay off the dockworkers he tells you to," She tilted her head towards Megamind who was still glowering darkly at the room. "And when you don't have to spend half your profit on shakedown fees you'll know it works. The alternative," she crossed her legs delicately and let her nails clack on the spikes of his mantle, "Is that come whichever day you decide to move your merchandise without authority we have ourselves a little play-date with everyone's favourite hero. And we'll see what kind of steps he has to take when he discovers a shipment of," she rolled her shoulder in a casual shrug, "Cocaine cut with rat poison on camera?"

The pale man glared, but glanced uncertainly at Pinstripes who was sweating under his jacket, "You wouldn't sell out the competition on camera, none of your little bot things could get close enough without getting shot."

"Who said they were his cameras?" Roxanne said casually as she traced a finger over the emblem at Megamind's throat.

"You'd just let her do that?"

Megamind threw his head back and laughed, "I'd bring her there myself," he cast his eyes around the room, "You all seem to forget that this is my territory. I have _tried_ to be polite," He stroked his hand down Roxanne's shoulder possessively, "But as has just been explained to you, there will come a time very soon when you wont have any option but to go through me and how willing do you think I'm going to be to deal with mediocre product or bullies who don't play by my rules?"

"This isn't just your patch Blue." The man with the scarred face tried to bluster.

"You're right," Roxanne agreed, "Its Metro Man's too. And let's be honest, between the two of them who would you rather face? The one who can only drag you back to jail?" She smiled down at Megamind who looked like he didn't know whether he wanted to kiss her or kill her himself. "Or the one that can make sure you're never heard of again..." She slithered up from his lap and dug her fingers into his arm, still giving the room her best fuck you reporter smile as she subtly dragged him upright.

Megamind grinned wickedly as the rest of the room dropped their eyes, "Do let me know if you have any questions gentlemen," He stood and glanced at Roxanne, "Shall we?" He started guiding her towards the exit before the rest of the room came to their senses and just shot them both.

"Thanks for dinner!" Roxanne waved and her serial kidnapper tugged her out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tilly Devine and Kate Leigh were famous criminal rivals in Sydney in the first half of last century. This story isn't set then, but I namechecked them for fun
> 
> Smut next chapter. Hopefully wont take two months next time.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is going to be fun...


End file.
